Nashville

img_0189
, , , , , , , 0
Liked Liked

Completion

Completion

Completion

I’ve long since learned that one of the hardest parts of the artistic process for me is completing the finishing touches on my work, and sharing that work with others.

In the psychology of creativity there can be many reasons for this that I’ve learned about over the course of the past few years. It’s been my goal to overcome fears related to completing and sharing my art (in all forms, music too).

For those of you who may not know, I have about 60 paitings on my wall that are ‘almost’ complete. I’ve intentionally organized a plan to do the necessary work to complete these pieces this year. These 16 are the first that I’ve finished.

I knew it would be hard, but it has been way harder than I thought. Framing, cutting dust covers, installling hardware and placing felt pads.

But I did it… now, to submit them for showing….

Wade in the Water
, , , , , , , , , , , 0
Liked Liked

New Music Release & the Heart Behind the Song

Download on Itunes or Amazon

So…

I’ve been holding this completed recording captive for a little over a year now. Despite having had the pleasure of working with some of the best Nashville musicians on this recording, which I am proud of their work and the recording, I just haven’t been ready to let it out yet.

I woke up Monday morning and felt like it was time. Being that it took me so long to release it, there’s clearly a story here as well. I’ve decided to share why it’s taken me all this time, and more into the song’s meaning since you may notice this is WAY different than anything I’ve released before.

So, if you’d like a bit juicier of a share, than I normally give, keep reading!

Wade in the Water

This song is basically about what it’s like to be emotionally stuck. It’s this idea that a person is sorting through the fullness of his or her own humanity and is feeling the heaviness of a troubled heart, but they can’t get out of it. It feels like nothing works. The character in the song tries to Wade in the Water, only to realize that she can’t feel anything. She is neither living, nor dead, but just kind of suspended in a space in time, a purgatory of sorts. She’s going to need to let go of a few things in order to feel the sensation of that living water she knows is supposed to heal her.

Where This Came From

Not gonna lie, I’m stretching my vulnerability muscles on this one. Which is why it has felt a little difficult to share. Four to five years ago I started to realize that, in my own way, I was very much the character we’ve depicted in the song. Just numb to feeling, sensation and  lying to myself about it in a pretty deep way. Those of you who know me well, know I started making some pretty big changes around that time.

I quit my job in non-profit fundraising, launched full time into music teaching (I had been part time), pursued art and music projects on the side. Worked at churches. Applied to grad schools. Anything and everything to just shake the tree and get my life moving. I eventually just completely changed the environment around me, moved across the country (from CA to Nashville) and tried on a whole different life. For a time, this “shake it up” approach seemed to be working. I was super productive, was getting a lot accomplished and was feeling like I was moving toward progress.

And then I realized (after lying on my back with a broken leg that wouldn’t heal for 6 months) that my problem was never productivity or working hard or finding new experiences. My problem has been simply… feeling… and being…and allowing myself to be vulnerable to those around me. Creating new excitement, just wasn’t going to change what needed changing in my heart.

One day in about November of 2015, I was driving to a student’s house and making up melodies (I often do this when I’m in the car on my speaker phone). And the old spiritual text “wade in the water” came to mind along with this new chorus melody idea. And then something shook loose. I immediately thought of all I had been going through emotionally and took this idea to a collaborator of mine, Tucker Bouler, who always helps draw out my stuck feelings. We fully realized this song and the story together. A few months later, I recorded it.

The Message

We left this song open ended with a little mystery, as it is up to each of us to figure out what we need to let go of to fully experience the lives that are available to us and receive healing from all the waters that exist around us (in whatever form those waters my look like). It’s this process of just learning to be who we are fully and unapologetically, but grounded.

I know for me, it’s taken a long time but I’ve found this new place inside of me that’s just really steady and really happy to be exactly who I am. It has taken a lot to get here and this song has played a very important role in that process because it unlocked real and honest feelings I didn’t allow myself to have before. It’s really opened up my heart to allow myself to just feel how I feel in life and let myself be. I feel a greater sense of confidence in who I am, that I can really trust myself and that I can better connect with others as a result. My hope for the song, is that it would allow people a chance to check in about how they really feel in their own lives. And that this process of learning to connect with themselves and with others more fully, would be completely transformational.

Lastly, The Recording

I’ve been a little protective of this song because it’s just so different than anything I had previously written before and I was worried if people would be expecting a country song from me (and it is definitely not country in  genre). And I was also worried about people thinking I’d flown off the handle emotionally and spiritually or something, since the song is emotionally darker (and has religious undertones, though these images are meant symbolically and are meant to transcend any one religion). Too much thinking. Time for me to just create and share, and forget about the rest. It’s a nice feeling to let all that go.

Since musicians in this town never get the credit they deserve for their amazing work, I wanted to take a moment to mention the band who played on this track. These incredible folks seriously know how to make the music happen. We recorded at my favorite “go to” Nashville spot, Beaird Music Group, and I’m really proud of what they accomplished. A little side note that my music student, Anna Wellander, sang all the harmonies. I was so proud of her first time professionally singing back up in the studio, she was a total pro!

Drums- Evan Hutchings
Guitar- Larry Beaird
Bass Guitar- Eli Beaird
Electric- JT Corenflos
Steel- Scotty Sanders
Keys- David Dorn
Back Up Vocals- Anna Wellander
Recording Engineer- Jim DeBlanc
Vocal Engineer- Craig Headen
Mixing Engineer- David Buchanan

And That’s a Wrap!

To close…  just a message of love: that purely and truly, you’re enough. Be the person you are, love that person and share that beautiful person fully. I hope you enjoy the song!

Hugs and love,

E

Erin September Blog
, , , , , , , 0
Liked Liked

Fearlessly Reclaiming Time

Too much: that would be the way I’d describe the past 7 to 10 years of my life.

I went from a crazy non-profit job (while I was still teaching music, songwriting and performing on the side) to full time self-employment in the arts which led me eventually to a move across the country: and grad school, and more music shows, and part-time songwriting, and releasing a book, and art/guitar string jewelry shows, and rebuilding my music teaching practice here in Tennessee – all at the same time.

And then there have been all the voices: people in the music industry (and otherwise) who are constantly pushing me to be on this “wheel” of improvement. I should have a flawless voice, the ability to play my instruments perfectly, write my own music, orchestrate my own music, lead a band, respond well to critique, collaborate all the time, record perfectly from my own home studio, write 2 songs a day, be an expert marketer, grow my mailing list, be an expert graphic designer, website manager, blogger, gig booker, song plugger, networker, self-publisher, dynamic live performer, entrepreneur…and then I should be able to afford to give it all away for free while somehow still finding a way to make it all sustainable and profitable. And I should never ever get or be tired!

Ha. Recipe for anxiety right there. Just being real over here today that sometimes this is what it feels like being a self-employed artist.

Though I am a perpetual learner and will continue to be—there comes a time when a girl has to draw her line in the sand and say “Enough opinions. My opinion, when it comes to my own life, is the one that matters most. I want to make choices about how I’d like to spend the precious time life offers me, without the voices of others telling me want I should or shouldn’t do all the time.”

And this is how I’ve been spending my September. Free of all this. I just took a big fat, lazy break from it all and it’s been absolutely the most amazing month I’ve had in years. I’ve been busy fearlessly reclaiming my time. I’ve been recalibrating. I’ve been enjoying traveling and friends. I’ve been enjoying dating and being out on the town. But I’ve also been quiet, private and unashamedly early if I feel like I need the extra sleep. I’ve been enjoying beach volleyball, college football and going to see the live music shows of people who are not me. I’ve (of course) been music teaching still…but overall, I’ve been enjoying a slower pace and some precious time to decide what I really want to put on my plate for this next season. This month has been a real luxury and I’m soaking up every second remaining.

A toast to September! The last bit of summer and the coming fall. My best wishes to any of you who may also just need a little bit of a break. Shoot me a line.

Rush
, , , , , , , , , 0
Liked Liked

Stop Rushing

I was walking through the grocery store this weekend in search of snacks. I suddenly realized I was walking with the intensity and speed that my college roommates used to tease me about: the “Erin-walk” I think they once called it. With an Olympic-like 200 meter stride and pace, I channeled my inner Usain Bolt and made epic strides with one goal in mind: gluten free lentil chips and lemon hummus. I would reach the self-check out first, beating both the old man with the cane and the mom with a two year old child screaming bloody murder from a shopping cart for a bag of Cheetos. And then, I had a single, simple thought enter my mind…

“Why are you rushing?”

I had no place to be but on my couch watching Simone Biles nail her floor routine. I felt rushed. I was rushed. And I was stressed out from that rushed feeling…Needlessly. If I’m honest I had been feeling that way most of the day.

Do you ever feel the type of rush I’m describing?

What’s interesting about this concept of being rushed, is that as a music teacher, I’m actually “anti-the-concept-of-rushing” with young kids. Have  you ever tried to rush a child? I’ve learned that great things actually happen when you don’t rush them. I do my best to let kids just be and they respond brilliantly.

Wouldn’t I like to be treated that way too? It got me thinking, maybe I’d respond brilliantly to not rushing myself too. I absolutely hate being rushed. For someone who has spent most of my life rushing through almost everything I do (with the unusual exception of when I’m teaching), this is almost an alarming declaration of self-abuse. I rush, and rush, and rush, and rush, and I hate it.

I decided in that moment that I would stop rushing. And then I found out …Well…… It’s not that easy to stop, is it.

This morning. I caught myself rushing to get my trash out. My garbage dudes weren’t even coming for a half hour. And then, I raced out the door (accidentally slamming it behind me) to get to the coffee shop, so I could feel focused to then “rushedly” write a zillion posts and continue to rush through the process of my book launch (which I want to savor!!!).

I stopped. I took a deep breath. And I decided to write this blog post instead. I want to engage with these feelings a little bit. Non-rushedly and unplanned.

Why do we rush?

Well. For me… I think a large part of it is something called “scarcity mentality.” For those of you that haven’t heard of it, scarcity mentality is loosely defined as when you approaching any topic from a “place of lack” rather than from a “place of abundance.” It is the worry of not having enough or not being enough. Meaning, that when you look at a situation you would like to be different, you think about what you don’t have, rather than what you do have.

Though I’ve come a long way with scarcity mentality over the past few years, there are certain areas of my life I haven’t quite been able to conquer. Like when I think releasing my various work projects to the public (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh), or about dating (oh God…please don’t make me go there), or about how insanely expensive the recording project I really want to do is/that I can’t afford it (try $30,000 – $40,000 with a proper marketing budget). And I’m back to scarcity thinking and “there isn’t enough.”

The worry stores up inside me, in every little muscle of my body- and then it comes out in strange ways. Simply put: I rush.

But there is one thing I know for sure: I’m changing. I’m noticing it. And I believe we have the power to change one little decision at time. I’ve very slowly started to feel great about the moments when I’m not rushing, and I look forward to many more of those moments. And I am excited to think about all the new possibilities.

What about you?

I’m interested in hearing from you on this topic! In what way does a rushing mentality negatively impact you? your relationships? your love life? art? music? businesses endeavors? jobs? families?—and ultimately the life you want to create? What tangibles do you think will help us all to stop with the rushing? Leave me a line with your thoughts… I look forward to learning about what you’re learning too!

Thank you, trip to the grocery store, for teaching me to Stop Rushing.

Selfie2
, , , , , , , 0
Liked Liked

And… I Threw Him Out

Yep, you heard me right. I threw a belligerently drunk man (who was basically heckling the performers! what?), out of my writers round the other night. Right there during the middle of a performance, I told him he was insulting me, called for security and asked him to leave (for the record, the crowd cheered). For those of you who know me well, you’re probably in disbelief that I had it in me to do such a thing! However, Nashville is bringing out Erin 2.0. The Erin with a backbone. The Erin who has finally stopped apologizing unnecessarily. The Erin who would throw someone out of her gig to stand up for herself if necessary.

For way too long now, I’ve felt like I’ve had to be the person that everyone else wants me to be. As a performer, musician, artist, music teacher, business woman, and even as a person. I’ve just been so worried that I have to look the right way, say the right thing, and that everything I do has to be just “so” to be taken seriously in this life. I just feel like it’s time to let my hair down a little.

One of my music mentors today reminded me that IT IS ME who gets to do the picking. And though I will always continue to learning, I don’t need to take crap from anyone… professionally or personally anymore. What a refreshing thought.

As I enter a period of time where I am finishing up my first book, working tirelessly on TV/Film music pitches, closing my last semester of grad school, doing my best to still write and perform, teaching music full time, AND trying to be a good auntie, daughter, sister and friend: I needed that reminder. I simply can’t be the perfect person to all people at all times, nor should I be expected to. I’m not a machine, I’m a human and I’m spread thin right now. I simply get to be myself as I work hard at my art each and every day, taking life as it comes, unapologetically. And… standing up for myself when it is necessary.

Peace, love, and especially STRENGTH.
DO what you need to do today, unapologetically.

Erin

Back to top